February 16, 2016

Out of curiosity, I recently read a blog titled “20 Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me About Postpartum.” Strangely, some of that awkward postpartum phenomenon is part of what I’ve experienced since Luz ran its first tour a week ago. Here were the ones (out of the 20) that resonated: 

1) You will be humbled. 

I knew that the musicians for Luz were excellent ones, but I never really thought about how humbled I would be in light of their true talent and expertise. I was in awe of them, and I’m indebted to them for all that they taught me in the studio and on the stage. This humbling was important because I have to be reminded that I cannot be perfect – that I won’t ever be perfect (as evidenced by the video footage!) 

2) You’ll probably cry. A lot. 

Yep. 

3) You might not like your baby right away. 

I was disheartened when I watched video of Luz. This is nothing new, and it is the reason why I never watch video of my own work. I “didn’t like my baby right away” – and mostly because I thought it would look different. I thought I would look different. But the video doesn’t lie. That’s me. That’s how I dance. Parts of it I like and parts of it I don’t. In this “postpartum” phase, I have to figure out which things I can change and which things I need to accept. 

4) It gets better. 

I’m glad that postpartum is a phase, and not a new reality. This part of the process won’t last forever, and I’m grateful for that because I want to do Luz again, and I want to do it better. I look forward to that chance.

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